Me: Bull, my dad just said he’s decided to give me all his records.
Bull: Duuuuude! That’s awesome. Wait a minute… you’re dad’s not deathly sick and hiding it from you, is he?
Me: (Shock of realization) Holy shit. Hang on. Dad?
Dad: No, I’m not dying. I just sold my turntable. You’re not getting my comics until after I die.
Me: Oh thank god. Now, about how many records can I anticipate…